Takers

Some people will bleed you dry. Take and take, with no regard. Asking of you what is beyond reason without limits, remorse, or thought. They cannot see anything past their own needs. You are simply a means to an end. They do not appreciate anything and will never repay you your kindnesses. They are entitled without earning it. They don't owe you anything, the world owes them.

Association with people like this guarantees you to be used and abused. They have week morals and no sense of self or respect, no conscious to keep them in check. You are not like these people. Do not lower yourself to their level, you are a better person than they can ever be worthy of. Remember your path, and walk it. Never be afraid to stand tall and stick up for yourself. These people have no boundaries, build your's strong and resilient. People who abuse your kindness aren't deserving of it. If you always have to put up your guard to protect yourself, it is easier to simply cut them out/off; that is the only thing they truly deserve from you. Enabling them is an injustice one which they will never learn from.

Where is your Attention Wandering?

We cannot fully understand each other if we do not actively listen to each other. I must know what it is to be you, to walk in your shoes, to see from your perspective… without this comprehension I cannot fully understand your actions, reactions, and feelings. Nor can you understand me if I am not given that same amount of focus and respect. When I talk please take the time to really listen, to hear me, and empathize with what I am saying.When I talk imagine yourself as me, how would you feel if you were actually me? Often we are bumbling around fidgeting with gadgets distracted by the TV, radio, cell phones we often forget what is important our mere interactions with each other. Turn everything off including your mind and want to interrupt and interject, listen actively. For isn’t the most important things our relationships with each other? When we look back at our lives do we want to look at how we missed so much by placing our focus on the TV and other inanimate superficial things? I loathe to think all the wasted hours, days, weeks, months, years will have accumulated at the end of our lives on things so unimportant. Spend time listening to the people you love, know them, understand them, emphatically listen, you might find that AMAZING has been sitting right there next to you on the couch. No, TV show is going to ever give you that. Ever.

Labeling

Be wary of people who describe all their exs as being “crazy” or “psycho”, chances are they are the common denominator that made all of them act like that. When people are quick to label someone like this they aren’t taking any responsibility for their own involvement in the situations. Plus they are putting them in a situation to doubt their own being and their own emotions, as if they are in fact damaged. Unless, in fact all of these people do have mental illness then you have to question why this person got into the relationship with these types of individuals in the first place. Your next question should be to ask how their relationship was with their parents. What we attract in our love relationships are usually a direct reflection of what we experienced as a child. It seems we are either conditioned to think of the self or to think of others, selfish and narcissistic or giving and caring to a fault. These two types of people are intrinsically and polarly attracted to each other (opposites attract) unfortunately perpetuating a cycle of damaging relationships unbeknownst. Healthy relationships only happen when each individual themselves are healthy and able to maintain healthy personal boundaries and characteristics; being stable, holding down a job, developing personal growth. You must continue to grow and evolve as an individual to give your best self to the person whom you love, you are not in the relationship to make them better or to make yourself better. You are not a half seeking another half which equals a whole, that doesn't work; you have to be two wholes. Even though love can make you feel better/improved in the honeymoon stages you ultimately grow out of that within the first year. After that you have to work at yourself and at loving the individual you are with; their crazy emotions, flaws and all. To love you have to trust/be trust worthy, have faith/be faithful, be kind/accept kindness, be truthful/accept the truth… We have to actively listen and feel each other to understand each other’s needs. If we label and pass off the responsibility of acknowledging what someone is actually telling us we will never evolve ourselves as individuals who can maintain a healthy relationship. Everyone has issues it is how we choose to deal with them and learn from them and cope, this is where we find happiness and successful relationships. It might be necessary to undergo counseling to facilitate the basics of communication between man and women. Men are told to be tough, quit crying, and be a man. Women are told to do the dishes and nurture. Often these stereotypes play out without us even knowing we are doing it, it is so engrained into our being. These days we are trying to break the mold but that makes it even more complicated, we are all falling short; maybe it was easier when our roles and responsibilities were more clear cut and defined. In relationships men often regress to their teenage selves being taken care of by their mommies when they get past the honeymoon stage, they stop doing the things they did to court their woman. Women start facilitating them and enabling this behavior which should not be allowed. Men need to learn to listen and feel be The Man, women need to learn not to take care of people and bring upon themselves projections of other people’s opinions you are in fact not “crazy” or “psycho”. Roles can be reversed, every situation is different.To have a long and lasting relationship each partner must learn to actively compromise and listen, accepting their responsibilities to grow as an individual within a relationship and to acknowledge each other's feelings, wants, and desires. You have to be your best self individually acting as if the relationship is just a bonus to your life, not a crutch. You have to be willing to give up the labeling and actually own your part or you are doomed to relive the cycle over and over. What happens each time you fail, you are left again with only yourself. You have to pick up the pieces and relearn how to be you. If you did it the right way you would always be you, so spectacularly you that no one would want to leave you and if they did you would still be spectacular.

Your Inner Child

I want you to take a moment and visualize your inner child what does he/she look like? What condition are they in? What are they wearing? What is the expression on their face? What emotions are they displaying? Now ask it what does it need?

I want you to visualize yourself first hugging it and telling it “It is all going to be ok” repeatedly, as if it was your own child, while visualizing yourself actually giving it what it needs. As you give it what it needs ask yourself if as an adult if you can gratify these needs for your inner child? How do you feel now that you have given your inner child what it needs?

I want you to now realize whatever trauma or needs your inner child has it is now up to you as an adult to be able to provide yourself with these things, it is no longer the fault of our incapable parents or anyone else. You can see their wrongs and know that you are above doing those things perpetuating the negative cycle; you have experienced it, lived, and learned from it. We now have to take complete and total responsibility of our adult selves and our own personal/spiritual growth. We can no longer place the blame on our parents or the people who were supposed to love us we must release them of this and forge our own path to self-love. You and only you can give yourself what you need.

Your Perfect Self

Picture what you visualize as your most perfect self. What are you doing? What is your facial expression? What emotions are you emitting? What does seeing yourself like this make you feel?

Now get out a pen and paper and write down what exactly is holding you back from realizing your perfect self? Fear, insecurities, judgments, prejudices, inadequacies, worthlessness, shame, guilt? Now think of yourself 50 years from now what are you going to regret? Not realizing this perfect self and going outside of your boundaries, trying your limitations, and experiencing life? Don’t hold yourself back test your comfort zone, extend yourself, practice your will to work on yourself and actually DO IT! You have the control, use it!

Preconceived Notions and Past Experiences

Each and every one of us is unique and different in our own special ways. A lot of times we try to compartmentalize things by our past experiences and preconceived notions, we try to relate things to what we already know. This can be a detriment to actually seeing and experiencing this new person and their individuality. We go around assimilating somewhat familiar characteristics and actions with our prior experiences and memories. This is such a limiting behavior and most of us don’t even realize we are doing it. How often do we try to fit together puzzle pieces when we first meet someone we say “Oh, I have done that” or “Oh, I know someone like that too” subconsciously we categorize these people which also crosses back and forth with our past. Isn’t this unfair to the new people we meet? I know I don’t want to be compartmentalized or to have someone meet me with a preconceived notion of who my true self is by what they have experienced in their past. You know what they say about assuming; let’s not assume that “all men” or “all women” or this type or that type are “all the same” it is statistically impossible. We are all so different and unique that doing this only limits our ability to see people for who they really are. We have to keep the awe, the wow, the new, and the wonder of each experience and person we meet to truly see it for what it is and experience it to the fullest.

Flaws and All

"The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies but also to hate his friends" Nietzsche

We must all learn an acceptable level of tolerance of the people we love and the people who aggravate us. We cannot take upon ourselves the negativeness of others. We must learn to be above that, to live in compassion, kindness, understanding, and empathy. No person is perfect we all have flaws and faults, imperfections and insecurities. We cannot allow ourselves to perpetuate the cycle of negativity by feeding into it. Love conquers hate, hate perpetuates hate. If someone is meeting you with anger you have to realize that you don’t know their full story or the reasoning behind their current mood or situation, do not allow them to affect you or harm you, whatever they are experiencing is their life not yours. Find ways to feel sorry for them and possibly lift them up; this could be the one chance you have to make a positive impact in that person’s life changing the course of their day, week, or life... how simply miraculous is that?

Having Power: Taking Responsibility and Facing our Problems

People are intrinsically lazy we want the quick fix or to ignore things hoping they will disappear. Rarely if ever do our problems or responsibilities disappear, by ignoring them we are essentially compounding the situation by continuing to add more and more to our plate, or more plates to the dishes we should have washed a week ago. Bitching and moaning is a waste of time and does nothing to solve the actual problem; vent, get over it, and make change. If we try to defer or deflect our problems and responsibilities onto other’s we are basically giving them the power over us, saying please come manage me because I am incompetent. We cannot and should not run away from our responsibilities and problems, we need to face them and learn from them. In the end we will have earned experience and skills to better attend to those issues making us better more capable human beings in the long run. So the next time you go to your boss, friend, or loved one think twice before doing so, do you really want to give them power over you? With the internet Google and YouTube anything is possible; most likely someone has already been there and done that before you. All you need to do is break down the situation, understand your options, and exert some effort and time. In the end you are really only learning to invest into yourself and grow into a capable individual, don’t give away your power to be a better you.

Marriage is not for you

I recently came across this article floating around the internet which was titled Marriage is not for you. It was about a young man who was contemplating becoming engaged and married to his long time sweetheart; he was unsure it was the right thing to do, if she was the right one for him. His father gave him some sage advice stating a marriage is not for you, It is for the kids you bring into the world, for the joining of two families. Who do you want to share that with? Who do you want to be there to care for your children and to share the responsibilities and struggles of life with? He realized then that he wanted it to be with her that he wanted to be a part of her family and that his family wanted her to be a part of theirs. In any relationship it is ok to think of our own needs but we have to remember it is more about wanting to make that other person happy and feel loved. The more you give the more you will ultimately receive, especially if you build your relationship on a foundation of love and trust fostering security for you both to feel safe in giving your love to each other completely without question. Remember to give the love that you want to get in return.

Getting and Asking for What you Want

If you don't ask the answer will always be "No". It is ok to ask for what you want out of the people around you. People are not mind readers tell them what you need from them to be fulfilled. Denying yourself or harboring unrequited feelings will probably turn into resentments in the long run. Don't be afraid of rejection or how the other person might take it, if they cannot find a way of giving you what you want out of a relationship then it is probably not worth it. This goes both ways relationships are not supposed to be one-sided but mutual and reciprocal. To maintain a healthy balance you have to have those lines of communication or all you will be left with is disappointment. You can attract a lot more bees with honey so use positive reinforcement (i.e. I really like it when you show me affection and love in all those special little ways).

S-E-X

Men and women view sex in completely different ways. Men see it as a casual pastime experience where women see it as giving themselves physically to someone. Basically women cannot have casual sex unless they are completely not interested that way. Women operate on emotions and men on testosterone. All in all women should really just avoid casual sex; it is confusing and ultimately damaging. Men for the most part will take it any which way they can, some even prefer the no strings attached. Clarify your intentions prior to getting into a physical relationship with anyone. This day and age with STDs and who knows what else why jeopardize yourself for a one night stand or a FWB. Really in the end is the sex even worth it when you look back, not really. You have to know you deserve better and are worth better than that. Keep it in your pants.

Letting Go and Saying No

Sometimes if things aren't going your way or you feel uncomfortable you just have to say "no, no more, stop" and walk away. Following your feelings and intuition when you feel compromised is up to you, you have the right be treated well and demand it. Some people are just not capable of giving you what you need, anymore people are innately selfish and entitled without putting the effort in "Me, me, me". They will use and abuse until they suck you dry. You have to stick to your guns and walk away, those people aren't worth it, wasted time and space. Ask yourself what is in it for me, would this person turn around and do that for you which they are asking of you?

Vicious Cycles

Remember where you invest your heart is where you invest your life, constantly doing the same thing is going to give you the same results. If you want love let someone earn it, sex does not equal love and kiss aren't contracts. Constantly seeking the same type of person who has always disappointed you is like a self inflicted wound. Step off the vicious cycle treadmill and make sure you're investing yourself in emotionally available people who are worthy and reciprocal. You shouldn't have to play mind games, chase them or force yourself into their life, people who want you will prove it and earn it. Let them chase you, respect you, and make sure you are looking for the same things prior to emotionally investing yourself into someone who is just an empty vessel unable to be fulfilled. If they are making you an option, you need to definitely keep your options open when they are. Don't invest yourself into someone who is not investing themselves into you. Remember you're worth it don't lower yourself for anyone, ever, your not desperate. If you want to be treated right make sure their actions are speaking the truth, actions speak louder than words; it will save you from wasted time and heartache.

The Love of Fear

Fear shapes us and changes us, holds us back from being who we really want to be. Fear of love. Fear of judgment. Fear of being alone, or being with someone who can and could crush us. We are all shaped and molded by the things we allow ourselves to fear. I read a line about relationships how each of us come together with fear in our hearts, even if there is hope, there will always be an overshadow of fear. I am “Fearful that we’ll stop playing in the lines of one another's stories.” Relationships are the hardest and most beautiful things we can subject ourselves to, possibly the most painful and/or euphoric. Unlike any relationship love relationships are the most complicated, calculated, and sometimes conditional. You open your heart to love, to someone, and you become vulnerable to that love and that person. In love you can go one day from complete and utter infatuation to never having them in your life again, simple as that poof they're gone. Some people try to control it or run from it, and some lucky few flourish in it. The strange thing about loving someone is you can never truly see their intentions and into their hearts, which is the basis of all the fear. We must learn to have blind trust or love will eventually slip through our fingers like grains of sand. We must learn to shed the fear, dance in the darkness, allow ourselves to love and to be loved fully and know that having that fear is what makes it so beautiful and wondrous.

To Deny Your Feelings is to Deny the Truth

It is ok to feel and to have sadness and emotions, it's what makes you human. Don't apologize for expressing your feelings whatever they may be. You are entitled to express yourself and if anyone doesn't like it then they aren't worthy of your authentic self. Don't deny who you are or repress your feelings, be yourself and own it. Own all the good, bad, and ugly you are who you are. The people who are meant to be in your life will not judge you but embrace you, the other's don't mean anything and will fall to the wayside. Always stand true, you are all you have, embrace it own it, love yourself with all your complexities, emotions, and feelings. You are unique like a rare gem, nothing can compare to your true self.

Chaos, Infatuation, and the Roller Coaster of Love

Often times we equate love with these emotional highs and lows. We get so used to the chaos and those brink of the edge feelings we don't even recognize that's not what love is supposed to feel like. Then when we get into something stable and healthy we get bored and sabotage it. Recreating that cycle of roller coaster emotions. The only way to stop this is to live consciously in the moment. Is being upset and feeling lonely because the person you are with is not giving you the proper attention, love? No, what you are feeling is despair and hopelessness, and clinging to any shred of attention so when you get it you feel elated and euphoric. Why are you allowing someone to disregard you making you an option, so they can pull you down from the shelf when they feel so inclined? Stop. You are all you need. No one is going to fill your voids until you do. Once you have mastered the ability to have and maintain boundaries and know that having expectations and standards is ok, you will never be happy. People who want to use you will find you and manipulate your weaknesses like a hacker they will find those holes and exploit them. You must stick to your guns, your boundaries, what you will and won't allow. Establish a list of non-negotiables and stick to it. If someone loves you and truly cares they won't give you an emotional ride they will nurture what they find special in you and promote the positive, not exploit your weaknesses and insecurities. Love is not misery, it is not supposed to hurt. It is better to be alone than to be with someone who leaves you feeling lonely. All you ever needed was you, take care to take care of yourself first, foremost, and always.

Instant Gratification

In this world of instant gratification we have become whiny little needy babies who want it ALL NOW! When we don't get our way we bitch and moan like we are entitled without putting any effort in whatsoever. Learning to control these urges and not be controlled by them is a great way to free yourself from the confines of wanting it NOW. Put your phones away, log off the internet, unplug for a day, let your self truly relax and unwind. It is hard to fully relax and unwind, to even control our racing minds, but we must learn control and to not be obsessed with the feelings of instant gratification. If you want to learn self-control and a will this is where to start. Turn off your mind, meditate, enjoy the simple riches of life and nature, simply breathe, relax your tenses, unplug and let goooo...

Your Ruin was Thinking I Needed You

Your ruin was thinking I needed you so you could disrespected me, lie to my face, cheat, and steal. I never needed you and I especially never deserved to be treated like that, so don’t be surprised that I left you at a drop of a dime; cause you ain’t worth the money or the time. I never needed you, I needed me and now I have myself back, and you can't take that away.

The Awakening

A time comes in your life when you finally get…when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out…ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on. Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon or from some person.

You realize that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you…and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are…and that’s OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.

You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself…and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

 Your stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you – or didn’t do for you – and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is yourself.

You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and everything isn’t always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself…and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties…and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness and acceptance.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into being in the first place.

You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for the next fix or big thing that you already have all you really need. It feels better to give than to receive.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don’t know everything, it’s not your job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.

That you don’t need lots of people in your life simply to have them in your life, that quality over quantity is what counts.

You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. Sometimes things just don’t work and you have to simply just let go of the strings attached.

You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drinking more water, and take more time to exercise.

You learn not to doubt your instincts but not to completely rely on them either.

You take more time to laugh and to play and not take life too seriously. To find peace in the quiet and harmony in the simple meanderings of day to day life.

You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.

You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life by your own terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people…and you learn not to always take it personally.

You learn that nobody’s punishing you and everything isn’t always somebody’s fault. It’s just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges and break down walls.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and confronted or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you, blocking true true happiness.

You ignore negative speaking and gossip, minding your words with compassion and kindness.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart’s desire.

You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind, with a cup of cocoa, a snuggly blanket, and a good book, realizing life is good.

Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can out of whatever pieces you have at hand.

(Author unknown)

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.
© Max Ehrmann 1927

Rules for the Road

1.      Try not to attract narcissists or users, spot them by their RED FLAGS and run the other way.

2.      Do not pay for everything, if they are assuming you are paying definitely don’t. Ask politely if they would mind splitting the cost (groceries, utilities)? Make sure to ask upfront, don’t assume they can afford it, and if they can’t that is their own problem not yours. If you kept paying into stocks that weren’t paying out would you keep investing? Don’t continue to pay or you will only resent them and feel used.

3.      Intimate relationships don’t define you or complete you, you never needed anyone but yourself, look at where you got you. Feel good about where you are in your career and life, you have worked hard to get where you are.

4.      Do not have intimate relations with anyone until you know them, after at least a few months, write down their pros and cons, focus on any RED FLAGS, and decide if it is worth pursuing long term. Don’t settle.

5.       Judge a person by their actions not their words, especially men. If he is interested he will pursue you and not just for sex and when it is convenient. Don’t be anyone’s option, make yourself a priority instead.

6.       Forget bad people, don’t allow people who are not worth your time to take up space in your brain.

7.       Boundaries and non-negotiables are held up with action not passively overlooking things, fighting, or talking about it. Obviously they are ok with said behavior otherwise they wouldn’t be doing it. If they fail to take responsibility and own their behavior after you have expressed your concerns and they do not see any reason to change or even acknowledge your feelings. Only you can enable it and allow it to persist. It is not up to you to change them; you cannot control anyone else’s behaviors only your own. Only you can allow yourself to be subjected to their treatment or GTFO. Don’t enable disrespect or deviations from your expectations and boundaries; you have a right to your feelings do not deny them for others to perpetually damage yourself. Do onto yourself as you would do onto others.

8.      Do not allow anyone to live with you until you are engaged and on the immediate road to marriage. If you do get engaged don't waste a bunch of money getting into debt over a wedding don't start your marriage out in debt.

9.      Try not to control situations or people, allow people to do things and figure it out on their own. Offer polite assistance if they don’t want it let them screw it up on their own.

10.   Do not assume a person wants to do what you do; explain you are going to do such and such and they are welcome to join? (Use when cleaning or working on projects; lead by example without controlling or pressuring)

11.   Don’t point out people’s negative traits instead learn creative ways to express your needs and how they can better accommodate you when they are falling short. (i.e. I really like it when you help me out it makes me feel like you care and are invested, I like it when you help clean then we can both relax, I like it when you are reciprocal it shows me you’re willing to work as a team and not take advantage which makes me want to be reciprocal also)

12.   Practice daily self-love and affirmations. What I think of myself, and how I act, is what other people will see. Be positive, think positive, do positive things to enrich your life, do not put yourself in degrading situations or places.

13.   Make great first impressions by always looking your best, having confidence, and build rapport treat them like your long lost best friend, get to know them personally by listening and asking questions, be genuinely interested. Mirror and repeat showing you are actually listening and understanding. Be the people you like to meet and love, be happy, energetic, positive, genuine, fun, exciting, and interesting.

14.   Be kind and empathetic, don’t swear, don’t bad mouth people, and never participate in gossip or negative speaking. Have respect for people more when they are not around. If someone talks of others like this they will turn around and do the same to you.

15.   Do not brag or be boastful of self or material things.

16.   Extend yourself out to people, build genuine and strong relationships, be there to listen and help.

17.   Go beyond your comfort zone to talk to and met new people.

18.   Deal with trust issues not everyone is the same, judge them for their actions not words.

19.   Have confidence, do things to rid insecurities.

20.   Be playful and humorous, enjoy life, and don’t be too serious.

21.   Practice daily affirmations, meditation, spirituality, practice positive thinking.

22.   Get up early do yoga, exercise, walk/run the dog.

23.   Appreciate nature, smell the flowers, kick the leaves, breathe the air, enjoy the simple things of life.

24.   Find solitude in being alone do things for yourself to better yourself, read, groom, nap, don’t feel lonely.

25.   Find new hobbies, art, sports, volunteer, go to church, go to the library, or coffee shop.

26.   Do not go to bars, drink to excess or smoke, hung-over is not fun.

27.   Write in a journal, write poems, start a blog.

28.   Cook, bake, try new recipes, and share.

29.   Quit spending frivolously and start seriously saving.

30.   Turn the radio on instead of the TV.