Oct 22, 2013

Rules for the Road

1.      Try not to attract narcissists or users, spot them by their RED FLAGS and run the other way.
2.      Do not pay for everything, if they are assuming you are paying definitely don’t. Ask politely if they would mind splitting the cost (groceries, utilities)? Make sure to ask upfront, don’t assume they can afford it, and if they can’t that is their own problem not yours. If you kept paying into stocks that weren’t paying out would you keep investing? Don’t continue to pay or you will only resent them and feel used.
3.      Intimate relationships don’t define you or complete you, you never needed anyone but yourself, look at where you got you. Feel good about where you are in your career and life, you have worked hard to get where you are.
4.      Do not have intimate relations with anyone until you know them, after at least a few months, write down their pros and cons, focus on any RED FLAGS, and decide if it is worth pursuing long term. Don’t settle.
5.       Judge a person by their actions not their words, especially men. If he is interested he will pursue you and not just for sex and when it is convenient. Don’t be anyone’s option, make yourself a priority instead.
6.       Forget bad people, don’t allow people who are not worth your time to take up space in your brain.
7.       Boundaries and non-negotiables are held up with action not passively overlooking things, fighting, or talking about it. Obviously they are ok with said behavior otherwise they wouldn’t be doing it. If they fail to take responsibility and own their behavior after you have expressed your concerns and they do not see any reason to change or even acknowledge your feelings. Only you can enable it and allow it to persist. It is not up to you to change them; you cannot control anyone else’s behaviors only your own. Only you can allow yourself to be subjected to their treatment or GTFO. Don’t enable disrespect or deviations from your expectations and boundaries; you have a right to your feelings do not deny them for others to perpetually damage yourself. Do onto yourself as you would do onto others.
8.      Do not allow anyone to live with you until you are engaged and on the immediate road to marriage. If you do get engaged don't waste a bunch of money getting into debt over a wedding don't start your marriage out in debt.
9.      Try not to control situations or people, allow people to do things and figure it out on their own. Offer polite assistance if they don’t want it let them screw it up on their own.
10.   Do not assume a person wants to do what you do; explain you are going to do such and such and they are welcome to join? (Use when cleaning or working on projects; lead by example without controlling or pressuring)
11.   Don’t point out people’s negative traits instead learn creative ways to express your needs and how they can better accommodate you when they are falling short. (i.e. I really like it when you help me out it makes me feel like you care and are invested, I like it when you help clean then we can both relax, I like it when you are reciprocal it shows me you’re willing to work as a team and not take advantage which makes me want to be reciprocal also)
12.   Practice daily self-love and affirmations. What I think of myself, and how I act, is what other people will see. Be positive, think positive, do positive things to enrich your life, do not put yourself in degrading situations or places.
13.   Make great first impressions by always looking your best, having confidence, and build rapport treat them like your long lost best friend, get to know them personally by listening and asking questions, be genuinely interested. Mirror and repeat showing you are actually listening and understanding. Be the people you like to meet and love, be happy, energetic, positive, genuine, fun, exciting, and interesting.
14.   Be kind and empathetic, don’t swear, don’t bad mouth people, and never participate in gossip or negative speaking. Have respect for people more when they are not around. If someone talks of others like this they will turn around and do the same to you.
15.   Do not brag or be boastful of self or material things.
16.   Extend yourself out to people, build genuine and strong relationships, be there to listen and help.
17.   Go beyond your comfort zone to talk to and met new people.
18.   Deal with trust issues not everyone is the same, judge them for their actions not words.
19.   Have confidence, do things to rid insecurities.
20.   Be playful and humorous, enjoy life, and don’t be too serious.
21.   Practice daily affirmations, meditation, spirituality, practice positive thinking.
22.   Get up early do yoga, exercise, walk/run the dog.
23.   Appreciate nature, smell the flowers, kick the leaves, breathe the air, enjoy the simple things of life.
24.   Find solitude in being alone do things for yourself to better yourself, read, groom, nap, don’t feel lonely.
25.   Find new hobbies, art, sports, volunteer, go to church, go to the library, or coffee shop.
26.   Do not go to bars, drink to excess or smoke, hung-over is not fun.
27.   Write in a journal, write poems, start a blog.
28.   Cook, bake, try new recipes, and share.
29.   Quit spending frivolously and start seriously saving.
30.   Turn the radio on instead of the TV.

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