Nov 14, 2013
Be wary of people who describe all their exs as being “crazy” or “psycho”, chances are they are the common denominator that made all of them act like that. When people are quick to label someone like this they aren’t taking any responsibility for their own involvement in the situations. Plus they are putting them in a situation to doubt their own being and their own emotions, as if they are in fact damaged. Unless, in fact all of these people do have mental illness then you have to question why this person got into the relationship with these types of individuals in the first place. Your next question should be to ask how their relationship was with their parents. What we attract in our love relationships are usually a direct reflection of what we experienced as a child. It seems we are either conditioned to think of the self or to think of others, selfish and narcissistic or giving and caring to a fault. These two types of people are intrinsically and polarly attracted to each other (opposites attract) unfortunately perpetuating a cycle of damaging relationships unbeknownst. Healthy relationships only happen when each individual themselves are healthy and able to maintain healthy personal boundaries and characteristics; being stable, holding down a job, developing personal growth. You must continue to grow and evolve as an individual to give your best self to the person whom you love, you are not in the relationship to make them better or to make yourself better. You are not a half seeking another half which equals a whole, that doesn't work; you have to be two wholes. Even though love can make you feel better/improved in the honeymoon stages you ultimately grow out of that within the first year. After that you have to work at yourself and at loving the individual you are with; their crazy emotions, flaws and all. To love you have to trust/be trust worthy, have faith/be faithful, be kind/accept kindness, be truthful/accept the truth… We have to actively listen and feel each other to understand each other’s needs. If we label and pass off the responsibility of acknowledging what someone is actually telling us we will never evolve ourselves as individuals who can maintain a healthy relationship. Everyone has issues it is how we choose to deal with them and learn from them and cope, this is where we find happiness and successful relationships. It might be necessary to undergo counseling to facilitate the basics of communication between man and women. Men are told to be tough, quit crying, and be a man. Women are told to do the dishes and nurture. Often these stereotypes play out without us even knowing we are doing it, it is so engrained into our being. These days we are trying to break the mold but that makes it even more complicated, we are all falling short; maybe it was easier when our roles and responsibilities were more clear cut and defined. In relationships men often regress to their teenage selves being taken care of by their mommies when they get past the honeymoon stage, they stop doing the things they did to court their woman. Women start facilitating them and enabling this behavior which should not be allowed. Men need to learn to listen and feel be The Man, women need to learn not to take care of people and bring upon themselves projections of other people’s opinions you are in fact not “crazy” or “psycho”. Roles can be reversed, every situation is different.To have a long and lasting relationship each partner must learn to actively compromise and listen, accepting their responsibilities to grow as an individual within a relationship and to acknowledge each other's feelings, wants, and desires. You have to be your best self individually acting as if the relationship is just a bonus to your life, not a crutch. You have to be willing to give up the labeling and actually own your part or you are doomed to relive the cycle over and over. What happens each time you fail, you are left again with only yourself. You have to pick up the pieces and relearn how to be you. If you did it the right way you would always be you, so spectacularly you that no one would want to leave you and if they did you would still be spectacular.